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Onward Bound

Sometimes life is tough. Sometimes life is awesome. Sometimes it a little bit of both. Either way, you have to keep going. I'll be running, laughing, crying and sharing it all here.

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    Monday, June 30, 2008

    It doesn't get better than this

    I thought my debit card was missing. At first I was really super chill about it because I remembered taking it out of my wallet to run an errand. I changed my mind about that errand and thought I put it back. Later that day when I went to grab some pizza (PIZZA!!! Yum.), I realized it wasn't there. No biggie. I used another card. (Yes, mom, I put a slice of pizza on credit, but I had no other option at that point.) I figured I had just set it down by my purse and not put it back in my wallet.

    I calmly returned home and it wasn't there. Ok, well maybe it's in my car. Nope, not in my car. Ok, well, maybe it's in my purse loose. Nope, not in my purse. Well, maybe I dropped it and Gertie picked it up and took it somewhere in the apartment. I looked under the bed, couches, closet, the trash (maybe I threw it away?), the dirty clothes (maybe I wanted to wash it?) --nope, not anywhere in the apartment.

    Ok, panic time. Cancelling card. Stat.

    This morning, I called to order a new card and make sure nothing strange had posted over the weekend. And literally, as I'm on the phone with the bank representative, I opened up my wallet to tell her my bank account number and out falls my card. It was behind my checkbook.

    And it's too late to cancel my cancellation. So now I have no card for 10 business days.


    Wednesday, June 25, 2008

    Back in time...

    I'm a huge fan of this trilogy. And sometimes, I think about what it would be like to travel back in time and freak yourself out with your future self. (Hi, Dorks McGee, much?)

    My past self would probably faint if she knew where life was going to take her. This was an epiphany I reached last night as I was sitting on a couch surrounded by all new friends, completely happy. And I was thinking that if my life hadn't changed so much, I never would be here, never would have met them, never would have experienced this moment of happiness.

    Regardless of all the pain and hardship there is a little bit of thrill in the idea that my past self had no idea what was about to transpire in her world. You just never know the curve balls life is going to throw at you. And that's why it's onward bound for me... (And future, future self, please don't come knocking at my door anytime soon because my current life is baffling me enough. I get it. I don't need any previews. I'll roll with it, whatever it is. Past self, you have no idea... but you'll be more than ok.)

    Tuesday, June 24, 2008

    wet dog, wet car, wet hair

    This morning there was a downpour. I took Gertie down to do her business, but it was raining so hard, I thought I'd stop by my car first and grab my umbrella.

    Bad idea.

    Because as soon as I opened up the car door to grab my umbrella, Gertie thought it was time to go for a ride.

    And she didn't want to leave the car.

    So I'm standing outside the car in the POURING rain, pulling on her leash trying to coax her out of the car while she's having none of it.


    Well of course she's all dry and cozy as a bug while I'm getting DRENCHED! By the time I got her out and my umbrella up, I was soaked. I had to do my hair again and blow dry my clothes.

    I love that stupid dog.

    Sunday, June 22, 2008

    Lucky, Hairspray and a little bit of shrieking

    That's how the house guest met his (her?) fate. Thanks to some intense bravery on the part of the Red Head, I no longer have a spider. Also, thanks to the kind folks at TIGI who make some strong holding (and smelling) hairspray. And I'm sure Amanda Peet (cover of June Lucky) never knew she would come in so handy.

    Oh and it was me who was shrieking, even though I was about 20 feet away and hiding my face...

    Friday, June 20, 2008

    The house guest

    So I knew it would happen. It was inevitable. It is one of the rights of passage of a divorce that goes right along with moving out, signing icky legal documents, sleeping in your bed alone etc....

    The first spider.

    And it's a doozy.

    Drying my hair this morning, I look up and see a spider so large I think it has its own shadow. And it's high up toward the ceiling. Great. Maybe it will just wander it's way out the window.

    But if not, it could get in my bed....

    So this is bad, I think. I'm just going to go to work now... (First stage of grief is denial.)

    At lunch, I returned home and it was still there. Larger than life. Mocking me.

    I consulted with my mom.

    Mom: Well, you just have to kill it. I had to kill some big spiders in England.
    Me: Maybe I could call hot neighbor and have him kill it.
    Mom: No. That is pathetic. Don't go to that level.
    Me: It's not even like that. It is just about the spider.
    Mom: Still pathetic.
    Me: Fine.

    Not the motherly advice I was seeking.

    I went around and tried to get some advice from co-workers. One co-worker said, "suck it up."

    Well now that was harsh.

    No, she meant literally, "suck it up" with the vacuum.

    Hmmmm...something to consider.

    To be continued....

    Thursday, June 19, 2008

    my mom has a blog!

    Welcome to the blogosphere, Mom!!

    This would also be a good time to thank both of my parents for being so supportive.

    Monday, June 16, 2008

    Dating in the age of Facebook, texting and my blog

    Enter our latest dating contestant -#3. He's young (at least he was born in the 70's.), smart, a self-described nerd, adorable (Can you use that word for a guy? I did. So there), and has the most amazing brown eyes...oh, and he is a red head. Gotta love that. But here's the deal. I'm all new at this. No, obviously, I'm not. But I am.

    Here's what I mean. See, the red head is the first guy I've dated that has found my facebook which took him to my blog and allows him to read my tweets. And this is new territory. Because before we had even so much as met face to face, the guy knew so much about me. This begs the question, should I remove the blog from my FB account? This can be debated later.

    But with the texting, facebook stalking and googling that now happens pre first date, are we becoming smarter, savvier daters? About two hours into this date, I'm thinking it's like our fifth or something and not because I am bored, uninterested (hardly!) or otherwise. Simply because there was all this research that went into this guy before I even met him. And likewise on his end. So we skipped the get-to-know you small talk and were able to have a much more meaningful experience.

    P.S. He so just texted me. eek! I'm such a girl!
    P.S.S. I also know he is so reading this blog.
    P.S.S.S. So don't hold anything against me. This is, after all, my little world. But I'm glad to have you as a reader for now. Just know that anything you say or do can be documented here at Onward Bound. Oh, and thanks for the amazing date. Even if you totally blew my cover with Hot Neighbor by kissing me good-bye in front of him. Oh well, totally worth it! See you tonight?

    Friday, June 13, 2008

    Update on the Power Suit

    I felt I needed to update you on the Power Suit. While in Virginia (or was I back in Maryland? Oh well. Doesn't matter.) I stopped post-appointment to fill up my tank.

    I was getting out of my rental car and I heard a riiiiip.

    Up the back seam.

    I don't even know what to say about it.

    Thursday, June 12, 2008


    My dad wanted to invite me to dinner tomorrow, but he wanted to make sure I didn't have a date. Gee Dad, I would have cancelled if you would have just asked. But of course I don't have a date. Why would I have a date? I guess if you count Gertie...

    Mr. D stopped by drink celebrations last night. I guess that was a date. It was enough of a date that my friends were cracking up about the fact that I managed to swing a date to my divorce celebrations.

    In my fire engine red strappy dress.

    Tuesday, June 10, 2008


    To better accept this role, I decided to seek the wisdom of my friends at dictionary.com
    a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, esp. one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations. Compare
    judicial separation.

    Matrimonial obligations. Wow, what were those? To have and to hold? To cherish and to something. Sad that I don't even remember.

    What I do remember is that I loved a man. We had a life. I liked it a lot. We were one. We were best friends. He loved me. We laughed, we cried, we cherished (yay vows!), we argued, we enjoyed one another's company. We planned for the future.

    But what I know now: I'm ok being one on my own. (plus dog -- that helps.) I. am. loved. Although not by one man, but by two parents, a brother, a sister, a dog, friends, strangers, my family physician (odd, but true), cousins, aunts, uncles, a grandma, and most importantly by myself.

    And I will be ok. This will not own me, define me or destroy me. It will empower me. enrich me and bless me with new beginnings.

    But to him I say, good luck, good bye and best wishes. May our marriage have touched a life, made a difference and benefited others.

    And to me, I say, cheers. Life is good. God is good. You are going to be just fine.

    Monday, June 09, 2008

    How is it I am so tired?

    Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I drove from BWI to Alexandria to Richmond to Annapolis to College Park to Hampton, VA and back to BWI over the past weekend.

    Thursday, June 05, 2008

    Stopping Traffic

    I'm in College Park, MD judging a writing contest. Which reminds me of one of the awards I won when I was a reporter in North Carolina. It was from the North Carolina Mental Health Association. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was the North Carolina Mental Health Association Reporter of the Year in 2001. Please hold your applause.

    Consider that little factoid as you read the following (true, sadly) story from yesterday:

    I arrived at BWI in good spirits. Rental car line was a little long, but I took it in stride. Had an awesome lunch with a new client and hit the road to head down to Richmond for the night. Cruisin' down I95 in my little rental car (NOT a PT Cruiser this time, thank God!) Looking forward to a 4:30 happy hour with another client. Feeling good. Oh no. Not feeling good. Is that my heart? And come to think of it, wasn't I having a tinge of pain right before lunch? Maybe I just need to get my mind off it. I call my boss. Leave her a voice mail about my fabulous lunch. And now my heart is really hurting and so is my left arm. ohmygodI'mhavingaheartattackatage30! And I might die right here at the wheel and put others in harm's way as I spin out of control on 95.

    I pull over.

    And call 911.

    Because that's what you do when you could be dying.

    And then I wait. And I can't breathe and my arm and now the back of my neck are both tingly.

    This is not good.

    911 man is very calm. He tells me to do the same thing. Help is on the way.

    Is it stupid that I called 911, I ask?

    No, you did the right thing, he says.

    A police officer shows up. His fly is down. I want to tell him, but I'm too busy dying.

    In my rear view mirror I see a fire truck, lights, sirens and all careening down 95. Oh god. Is that for me? It is.

    The fire truck pulls in behind me and angles itself so that the lane of traffic is blocked. It is followed by an ambulance which pulls in front of me and the cop car.

    Five or six? EMT's crawl out and are surrounding my car. Someone is walking me to the ambulance. That someone is incredibly hot and I can't stop looking at him. But don't judge me because I was dying and deserved some last pleasures in life.

    And I'm still in great pain. But apparently I'm not dying.

    Apparently I'm having a panic attack. I'm told this as I'm sitting on a stretcher, with heart monitors stuck all over me, a blanket draped over my lap with my red work heels poking out.

    Apparently you can have them when you are having a perfectly lovely day and not at all stressed.

    The EMT's humored me. They see it all the time. Don't be embarrased.

    But I stopped traffic.

    And then, I got back in my car and drove south toward Richmond. And proceeded to have an amazing evening. What the hell?

    Tuesday, June 03, 2008

    Frozen in time

    Because I know you can't get enough of my antics of late, I thought I'd share a story that happened a few weeks ago. (Sorry, but believe it or not, I haven't done anything funny or otherwise interesting in 48 hours.)

    SB and I had a date. And during said date, he wanted to visit a very large sportsman's store to buy some work boots. SB is an avid hunter. I used to be a vegetarian. Let's just say that if he wasn't mega hot, I probably wouldn't be on a date to a store featuring various types of animal slaughtering devices. I know, priorities.

    So he takes me into a room that can only be described as the "Dead Deer Museum." That's exactly what it was -- taxidermy central. The deer were all posed in a fake natural habitat resembling a Colorado landscape. Some were jumping over fences, others were reaching up to trees, as if to eat and one little guy was even scratching his ear like my dog does. SB was explaining to me that the collection came from one guy in Colorado who made a ton of money selling his hunted to this store. And I'm trying to act interested because clearly the presentation of these animals is very near and dear (har har) to SB's heart. And I want to say something profound. So I say, "Wow, how artistic of him to shoot all these deer doing different things."

    SB just kind of looks at me and keeps going. (Later he said he was so confused by the statement because he knows I'm smarter than that so he thought he misheard me. He really thought it was a misunderstanding of taxidermy) So he starts to explain that the taxidermist can recreate the animals doing different things.

    Sadly, it wasn't until the next day as I was retelling this tale to a co-worker that I had the epiphany that animals go limp when they are shot. They do not freeze mid-activity.

    I'm a smart one.

    Sunday, June 01, 2008

    No Game

    People, you need no longer wonder why such a cute, talented, smart, successful gal such as myself has had to resort to online dating. I prove my lack of game over and over and over again.

    Take today. I'm taking the elevator (shut up) and I see Hot Neighbor who starts to say hi as the door is shutting. So awkwardly, I stick my arm out to stop door and of course, elevator door keeps closing, so I literally leap through the door as it is closing on me. Classy.

    If that wasn't bad enough, a conversation about summer travel went as following:
    Him: Last summer I went to Nantucket. Have you ever been there?
    Me: No, but my sister-in-law was married there and I've seen pictures. (Really? My ex-inlaws? I had to go there?)
    Him: Oh yah, it's cool.
    Me: (Must I continue along this path of destruction, you ask? Oh yes, I must.) And I got married on an island off N.C. I mean, I'm not really married anymore, but the wedding was nice. (And yes, I keep going) It's a great island. No cars. Golf carts only. (UGH!!!!)
    Him: Oh yah, there is an island off Michigan like that.

    Great subject change...as he is clearly off to the pool...

    Him: So have you been to the pool yet?
    Me: No, but when I do, I'm sure I'll be doused in sunscreen, sporting the wide-brim hat.
    Him: laughing.
    Me: (Now gazing at his obviously tan, toned body): It looks like you don't have that problem. (??!!!)
    Him: Well, I've logged some pool hours.
    Me: (Now just really wanting to end this ordeal.) Well have fun out there!

    And back to being a Monk for me.

    Silence is Golden...

    There is nothing wrong with being still and quiet. And this weekend has been a great time of reflection.

    In the spirit of honesty and full disclosure, Monk Stephanie did attend Gay Pride with Gertie. She also went to see a movie with a friend tonight.

    BUT, seriously, there has been a lot of silence, thinking and sorting. And what have I learned?

    Good question. I'll need some more time to figure it out.