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Onward Bound

Sometimes life is tough. Sometimes life is awesome. Sometimes it a little bit of both. Either way, you have to keep going. I'll be running, laughing, crying and sharing it all here.

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    Tuesday, May 27, 2008

    The Power Suit

    I survived my first holiday weekend solo. Another milestone in this journey. But it wasn't without hardship. I mean, I had a great weekend, don't get me wrong. But at the end of the day, I'm still getting divorced, ending a relationship that I thought would last forever and readjusting to life by myself. And that's sad.

    On Monday afternoon, I decided I wanted to see a movie. These are books I poured over as a child. My dad read me the first book when I was 9 and I was hooked. I have no problems doing things alone. So I figured a movie would be no different. I walked to the nearest theater (I love that I can walk there!) I bought my ticket, my popcorn and found my seat. No problem. The movie was great. There are so many levels to this story. (Stop here if you don't want a spoiler.) At the end of the movie, the two oldest siblings are told they won't be returning to Narnia, a place they love and hold dear. Their time in Narnia is over and there is no more they can learn there. They must return home and live their lives. I could draw so many obvious parallels to my life right now. I loved my marriage. Loved him. But now, it's over and I must move on and live my life. So I cried. I told myself I was crying in the movie because I always cry in movies, but something in me knew it was more.

    After the movie, I went to the ladies room. And suddenly the weight of the world hit me. Oh my god there is no one waiting for me out in the lobby. I am all alone. The floodgates were released. Which was really bad timing because I knew there was a line.

    After I regained my composure, I went out into the beautiful sunshine, in my beautiful city. And then I bought a suit. A black skirt suit that fits amazing. (To my credit, this little bit of retail therapy was part of the plan because I knew I had a business trip next week and I needed a new suit that fit.)

    I love wearing suits. They are crisp, classic and powerful. And they are always stylish. But I think I will always see this suit as my ultimate power suit because symbolically, it represents my strength. My ability to rise from the ashes despite it all. So whenever I'm feeling a little bit weak. A little bit like I might not make it, I think I'll put on my suit and remind myself that I can and I will.

    3 Comments:

    At 3:15 AM, May 28, 2008, Blogger J. Lee said...

    Stephanie, I'm here!
    OMG - I love this post, because about 2 years ago, during the midst of a devastating relationship, I did the exact same thing! I went and saw the Devil Wears Prada and The breakup in the same afternoon because...the movie theatre was dark and I could cry there and no one would see, nor did I feel bad for doing it at home. After the Devil Wears Prada, I went out and bought two pair of stilleto heels. Just to remind myself that I deserved to look good.

    And you'll look damn good in that suit!!!!! And it'll help you feel confident on the business trip, and that will be one more step in this process. Retail therepy is just fine (as long as, you know, you don't run up a ton of debt)

    You're right to give yourself the freedom to cry, to say the things you just expressed in your writing and to allow yourself the freedom of grieving. Because this week you grieve. Next week, you kick ass in your awesome suit. And the next week you set another goal to do another "awesome." This must be incredibly hard right now, but that suit is worth every penny if it makes you feel amazing, because you are!

    Thanks for saying hi :) I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog!

     
    At 7:13 AM, May 28, 2008, Blogger Stephanie said...

    JLee,
    You are so sweet. And while I wouldn't wish this sort of hardship on anyone, it's nice to know that there are strong, strong women out there who have gone before me.

     
    At 4:14 PM, May 29, 2008, Blogger Erin said...

    STFU! I went to see the Chronic (that's what all the cool kids call it) alone too!

    Except, I wasn't crying. I was trying desperately to remember anything from the first movie (didn't read the books). I was so confused! lol

     

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